Today I realize that my perfectionism is born out of anxiety and a desire to maintain a sense of control. In a dysfunctional household one feels lost and out of control- there is a subtle sense of chaos in the atmosphere that feels as if it can erupt at any time. One tries to do things perfectly to keep trouble at bay. I am in charge of my own life today. My perfectionism gets in the way of spontaneity and my control does not let me live a day at a time. Recovery is not only about working through old feelings. It is also about recognizing dysfunctional patterns and letting them go. The dysfunctional patterns are control and perfectionism. I am willing to experience difficult feelings without swinging into action with my defensive behaviors.

I am able to feel feelings as they happen and to be spontaneous.

The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing
Eugene Delacroix