Today I am willing to allow my life to be good. Now that I have faced my pain, denial, delusion and resentment I have cleared out the debris and deadwood that kept me in an arm’s-length relationship with life. Today I see clearly that I was a person filled with anger and hurt and that those feelings kept me from being able to live a normal life. Now I find I am afraid to let my life feel too good. I am, through my recovery, in a position to have a reasonably happy life, but the thought of allowing myself to count on that fills me with anxiety. I have felt so deeply let down in my past that allowing myself to trust again feels like walking
through a brick wall or falling down a dark well. I will hold my own hand today and move through my own darkness toward the light, knowing that life holds no guarantees at any time.
I can live without guarantees.
I look to the hills from whence doth my help come. My help cometh from the Lord.
Psalm 121:1-2