Tian Dayton

Today I give myself a rest in my frantic search for soul and self. If soul is present in all that is, how can I find it? I am both the finder and the found, the seer and all that is seen. It is not easy to be with the moment and allow myself to experience deeper and deeper layers of reality; I am constantly tempted to get up, to lose myself in distraction. I continue to be involved with things that look like self, only to find soul is not contained there, either. I want to grab soul, hold it, put it away where I can’t lose it again. I want to own it so that it cannot be taken from me. To accept that soul exists only in the moment-to-moment experience of life, and that it comes and goes with my awareness of it, can be difficult. It can make me want to bottle, store and label it. Today I will let soul go so that I can find it.

I will be present for soul and ask my soul to be present for me.

How shall I grasp it? Do not grasp it. That which remains when there is no more grasping is the self.
Pandachari

There is a vast difference between healthy dependence and co-dependence. In healthy dependence I feel my own feelings, own them and share them openly with someone else, and I allow that person to do the same with me. In co-dependence, I become lodged within another person’s psyche and feel their feelings for them, losing touch with what I am feeling. Today I understand that it is healthy to have comfortable interdependent relationships where all members take responsibility for themselves and their own thoughts and feelings. I can lean on someone without falling over because my center of gravity is within me.

I can have intimacy in my life.

Never idealize others. They will never life up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.
Leo Buscaglia

I will not pass soul by like a stranger in the night. I will look for it. I will be still and wait for the veil of illusion to be lifted so that I can see what is behind it. Soul is not locked in a jewel box or floating somewhere in the sky. It is not the province of a privileged few. Soul is there for me when I am ready to look, willing to embrace it and make it part of my day-to-day living. Soul is not obscure and oblique; it is simple-so simple that I pass it by without noticing its presence. Soul is quiet, so quiet that I do not hear it calling. There is no path toward soul, no journey or secret passageway that will lead me to it. Soul is here and now. It is present in all that is.

I am willing to see soul.

We only see the outer covering of reality and it’s only when our inner senses are opened, when our inner life is opened, that we pierce through the unreality.
Sister Pascaline Coff

When I feel angry, I seem to have two ways of dealing with it. I either hold it in and say nothing or I let it out in accusing, venting, nonproductive ways. When I do this, I rupture perfectly good relationships. It is fair for me to register disgruntled feelings when appropriate but that’s all I need to do. When I can’t hold back from getting into an argument using blame and accusation, I create a mess. When something goes wrong, feeling angry is normal. I need to give myself a few minutes to feel the anger before I act out the feeling, rather than immediately dumping it on someone else. When I can give myself permission to feel my own anger without fearing it will devour me, I can own it as mine and decide what to do with it next.

It is okay to feel anger. It is okay to let anger go.

Remember, you can’t steal second if you don’t take your foot off first.
Mike Todd

I will not try to define the soul today. When I seek to categorize or give place to the soul, I lose contact with it. I connect with it through thought and definition rather than through sensing. Soul is experiential. These senses that I have, my sight, hearing, touching and so on, are what allow me to know the soul. I am alive and soul is alive; we are made of the same particle stuff, issuing from one source. There is no beginning and no end, no way to be separate from what is, no place that is not the place. Running after soul only makes it elude me – not because of the act of running, but because of seeing it as somewhere other than where I am.

I will seek direct experience of soul.

What stuff is soul made of? The question is as meaningless as asking what stuff citizenship or Wednesdays are made of. The soul is a holistic concept. It is not made of stuff at all. Where is the soul located?
Nowhere. To talk of the soul as being in a place is as misconceived as trying to locate the number seven or Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. Such concepts are not in space at all.
Paul Davies